As you may know by now, I think the true victims of suicide are the friends and family of the deceased. If anything, the patient has relieved his own suffering. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, suicide is a solution. It may not be the best solution, not one you would have chosen, but it did solve a problem. The true crime committed by the perpetrator was the mental anguish inflicted upon all who loved him. It is with this in mind that I ask you: Is it morally acceptable for you to commit suicide despite knowing there are people who love you and will forever suffer from your act? (Hint: this is a leading question, not a trick question.)
If not, then what are the moral implications of a person’s committing suicide after shedding all friends and loved ones? It seems to me that if no one is there to be harmed by your death (the national economy not withstanding), then you have every right to dispatch yourself whenever you choose. (In my country, you are generally allowed to be stupid so long as you don’t harm others. E.g., voting for a Republican isn’t a crime.) You may be damned for killing yourself, but at least you will not be damned for emotionally injuring those who might have loved you. The police reports, the burial, the insurance matters, the passing of the estate — none of this makes the suicide meaningful in any significant way. Surely, the ones who must clean up the mess will be affected, but no more so than watching a Quentin Tarantino movie. I guess my answer to the unwitnessed tree-fall question would be “no, it doesn’t make a sound, even if the air around it still had to go through the motions.”
Having said that, wouldn’t it be morally irresponsible to make new friendships or even maintain old ones if you know yourself to be acutely or chronically suicidal? Wouldn’t you be damned for accepting a piece of someone’s heart knowing there was a very high likelihood of breaking it as you fall? If I know that I will be gone soon, I would have to be a sadist to want to take a new lover or forge a new friendship.
But, that’s not right. Clearly we must go on living while we are alive, if only because we may not die any time soon. Indeed, it may be our relationships that save us from our own hand. I know that my kids have sustained me in my darkest moments. I am alive today only because I imagined their immeasurable sadness before stepping off the ledge. Perhaps a new lover will awaken a passion that lifts me from the bog, out of the darkness and into life. Maybe it will be a new friend that occupies my mind instead of those incessant thoughts of suicide.
Some philosophers have written that, even if you do not believe in God, even if we truly are an accident of the cosmos, we still have meaning because of our relationships with others. Whether or not you see meaning in yourself, you mean a great deal to those who love you and even to those who don’t. We all know someone, or fall in love, or father a child, pay rent, block a driveway, take the last seat; in that way, we all have meaning. Without meaning, believe me, it is very easy to give up. With meaning? Well, you’d have to be sick to kill yourself.
So, my final question: if relationships might save me, but also make a suicide all the worse, is it better to break all ties, thereby minimizing the damage your disease will cause; or is it better to maintain and seek out relationships in an attempt to keep (or start) living?
Is this a glass half-empty question? (Okay, I lied; there will be a few more questions.) Is this only a matter of outlook:
- I am a pessimist; I really believe I’m not going to make it; I am therefore morally obliged to push everyone away.
- I am an optimist (I’ve read about people like this); I really believe I am going to make it; It is therefore okay to call my brother back.
I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, so please, fuck off and leave me the hell alone. But, please don’t give up on me; I know I’ll be better one day and the love you show me really makes a difference.
