TDHP view:
He should be getting back to work today; that’s good news. Oh, here he goes again: “I’m sick; I’m depressed; I’m suicidal; I can’t go back to work now; I need to go to the hospital.” He does this every time he wants to avoid doing something. It’s time to grow up, you coward. Why can’t he just get his meds right and start following his doctor’s advice?!
Patient’s view:
Man, I have to go to work tomorrow. I’m so scared. What must my co-workers think of me? They will all be staring. And, why shouldn’t they? I’ve been playing hooky for seven weeks, hiding in my room feeling sorry for myself, getting smashed at the pitty party every night. What makes me so special? They have to deal with the same stuff I get and they don’t just skip out and leave their work for their co-workers to complete. I’m just pathetic. I suck. I really never should have been born. [hours later] F&F: Call 9-1-1! I think he’s really hurt himself this time….
Another patient’s view:
Man, I have to go to work tomorrow. I’m so scared. What must my co-workers think of me? They will all be staring. And, I know what they’ll be thinking. “He’s been playing hooky for seven weeks, not coming to work because he feels sorry for himself, just throwing himself a pitty party every night. What makes him so special? We have to deal with the same stuff he does and we don’t just skip out and leave our work for our co-workers to complete.” Yeah, well I’ll show them I haven’t been faking it. I’ll show them I have been dealing with some really heavy shit. They’ll see. [hours later] F&F: Call 9-1-1! I think he’s really hurt himself this time….
5 responses so far ↓
Beyond Belief // 8 August 2007 at 1:34 pm
I think that when we are often caught up in our own “pity party” we can see nothing but that and hence even trying to write from the TDHP point-of-view will inevitably be skewed by our perception of ourselves. I think more times than not TDHP, when confronted by a friend, family member or even a co-worker who has been/is suicidal and depressed- I don’t think they think as negatively as we often imagine. It is more than likely that they are at a complete loss of words or ability to be empathetic, but that does not mean that they are not sympathetic to our illness. However, a friend of mines once made the statement that “sympathy is one step away from abuse”. I have to say that I agree. I think if you are living with depression and suicidal ideation the best thing to do is to be as open about it as you have been. Yes, it will be odd going back to work with these societal stigmas that are associated with these illnesses, but your strength will only be displayed as you continue to drudge through the mire and take it one day at a time.
Jen // 9 August 2007 at 9:22 am
Who gives a sh!t what you co-workers think. Its not like many of them care what you think……they all geeky introverted engineers. Even when you are feeling sick you are 20 times more likely to be witty and engaging than they are. Don’t know the lingo…TDHP?
ideas2words // 9 August 2007 at 9:36 am
tdhp = those damn healthy people. Thanks for your comment. I wish I was the kind of strong, emotionally mature people that can just “be” without worrying what other people think, but I’m not quite there yet. I also must work with geeks, so their opponion does matter to some extent. Arguments can also be shut down by simply pulling the sick card — the ace in the sleeves of TDHP.
Jen // 9 August 2007 at 12:08 pm
We all worry what others think of us….we humans are social animals by nature. However its easier to worry less where you work, since there are soo many weird and socially inept people there. Of course that doesn’t help when it comes worrying about what some of the TDHP think. But again, most of TDHP there realize that they work with lots of really smart but slightly odd people, so the probably take it in stride. Not sure I understand the sick card…..sorry.
ideas2words // 9 August 2007 at 1:20 pm
The sick card: equally usable by patients and TDHP, the sick card is the ability to use the fact of the illness in any manner the user chooses. Logic need not apply once the sick card has been played. Even in the case of clear abuse of the sick card, the user of the card may carry on confident in his or her moral and ethical righteousness in the matter.
For example, if I am arguing with someone over a contentious matter, and the other party of the argument says to himself or the big boss, “Clearly Ashley’s judgment is impaired because of his illness,” the decision process will have effectively, though unfairly, been brought to a halt. Yes, that use of the sick card in the work place is illegal, but it happens nevertheless.
Another example: I don’t feel like going to an office party of a spouse, and I pull the sick card saying “I just can’t deal with that situation tonight; my anxiety level is just way too high,” the marital spat will have effectively, though subconsciously or unfairly or both, been halted.
The sick card is incredibly effective because most of TDHP’s inability to see the difference between emotional impairment and mental impairment, and most of the patients’ inability to distinguish between good old fashioned bad feelings and disease related bad feelings (if such a divide can be drawn).
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